Human Financial Advisor Horror Stories

I was 29 and rolled my 401k from Virginia Tech to an “investment guy” at my bank. He was the star football player in high school and had no actual qualifications for investments. I rolled my $40,000 into the bank investment account. In less than 90 days it was down to $18,000 in value.

I had them sell everything and rolled it back out to another firm. When I complained the investment guy said “you are only 29 and you will make it back.” Yeah, but it took me 5 years to build up that $40,000 and he destroyed more than half that in 3 months.

Some time in the past, a “financial advisor” convinced me that I could make a lot of money trading commodities. Wrong! I figured out he was just “churning” me (putting me into and out of too many positions, just to earn the commission), and I closed the account, buy not until he lost 80% of my money in less than a year!

I had one guy INSIST that I buy a costly Variable Life insurance policy. “Don’t read the prospectus! TRUST ME!” Sorry. “We’re not leaving until you sign!” Okay well you may want to order a pizza, because it’s gonna be a looooooooooong wait!

Another time I met with reps from a major financial firm who asked how my investments had been doing. “For the past ten years my compound returns have been 27%.” (That is, my portfolio was up 10x over ten years.)

This upset then tremendously, like I had just told them I kidnapped babies to use as firewood. “Well, THAT’s totally unsuitable!”Well, what do YOU recommend? “We have a program that will deliver 7% a year. But no promises!” (Perhaps double over ten years.) Okay! We’re done here!

I had set aside some money to invest into stocks. So opened an account with Internaxx bank and took out a cheap subscription under a special offer with the Porter Stansberry tipping sheet.

It was around 2010 and I did remarkably well, quickly building up a nice little portfolio and collecting dividends and watching as the values increased. What could go wrong? I had a phone call from some broker in the UK who specialised in pre IPO stocks and floatations so listened and the guy explained how using CFD’s you could leverage up your position and take control of a much bigger slice of the action and make a huge amount of money…….. I think some rich guy like Warren Buffet once said if you do not fully understand what you are investing in just give it a miss. So a new account was opened and I started off making my fortune.

Well no, I ended up with a black hole which had these things called margin calls which gobbled up cash like there was no tomorrow. I quickly realised that this was not working and bailed out pretty quickly but then got into leveraged trading on gold……… It was an interesting 6 months and taught me that I was not really understanding what was going on and I would never cut it as a trader so there was something positive at least.