The “12%” Advisor

Put it this way, have you ever been to a circus? You have! Well, remember those people who made you laugh? Finance advisers can also do this. But they can also make you cry. Here’s a funny story—true as well.

We had a clown, visited us as they do for many years, charging us fees, etc. Also, fees that were not revealed to us, which we discovered later. Well, after 13 years of having him sponge off us, we realized he had F.C.ED us, big style. He said the investments were not taxable as they were a specific type of investment.

Well, we realized these were taxable when we questioned him, asking, "Why did you set these investments if they are taxable?" He ran away and left us with a tax bill of 13 years, plus interest.

People will say, "Why did you not make your own enquiries into what is taxable and what is not?" Well, the answer to that is because we were paying a professional.

Well, it cost us dearly, so make sure it doesn’t happen to you. Leave the clowns in the circus!

I’ve had initial chats with two, and met two at parties. No horror stories, but all four left me certain that I wouldn’t trust them with a penny of my money. The two I met socially gave me the strong impression they had no idea what they were doing and just parroted dubious soundbites like “you’ll never lose money in property” or “you can’t go wrong with bonds”.

One had been in agriculture before getting a job at his father-in-law’s advisory firm.

I tried to chat to them about more complex post-recession low-interest rate stuff and they kinda changed the subject and just went back to soundbites. The two I actually spoke to about getting advice, one didn’t know how to deal with crypto and promptly ghosted me, the other also appeared to lose interest once it was clear I wasn’t just gonna buy life insurance and commission products. All four did the 1980s sales-y bullshit like using my first name constantly (one of them calling me by the wrong name over and over).

So (while I know every industry has its bad apples), my own personal experience has been that 4 out of 4 had strong scammy used car salesman / estate agent vibes. So basically, they’re the last people I’d hand over money to.I manage my ~£0.5m portfolio myself.

This is the kind of guy that I don’t actually want to punch in the face; I’d rather just have a good chuckle with him. One time, I was competing with another advisor who was offering a fixed annuity as their only investment solution. They were a pure insurance agent, and apparently, that was all he could offer.

When the client chose me as their advisor over the insurance agent, they were not happy, to say the least. They were so disappointed in my client’s decision that they felt compelled to tell them (in a condescending tone) that their products had no fees, whereas mine did, and that they (my clients) were making a horrible decision.

No fees, huh? Well, yes, if you buy a fixed annuity that guarantees you 3%, you do get 3%. But for someone to use the argument that their products have no fees is ridiculous. There’s a fee for everything; there is no such thing as a free lunch.

Lesson learned: If your advisor tells you that their products have no fees, I would suggest you first prevent yourself from bursting into laughter. Then, kindly remove yourself and sprint out of their office.

Keep the case!